Childfree in a Childed Workplace

Written by lngilbert Tuesday, 22 July 2008 00:13

I've known for several years that I absolutely do not want children. I've never talked about "if I have kids" with my co-workers. I've never given them the slightest hint that I would ever change my mind. Yet, they are all convinced that I'll become a mother.

I work part-time in a receptionist-type position at a fitness center. Out of the seven people in my department, I am the only one without children. The first woman has two children my age, the second already has grandchildren. The third woman has a daughter going into high school and a son going into junior high, the fourth has a daughter going into college and one just graduating college. The fifth woman has a son about to start kindergarten, and the sixth woman has two children in grammar school.

From the day I started working there as a 23-year-old newlywed, all I've heard is, "when you are going to have kids?" I made it clear that I did not want children. "Oh, you'll change your mind," they would reply. Since then, I've heard every bingo in the book.

If I mention spending time with my nephews, they say, "see, you'd be such a good mother!" If I smile at a baby while his mother signs up for a membership, I hear, "how can you see that beautiful baby and not want your own?" If I mention that I drove my 12-year-old neighbor to the library because his mother is too busy to get him his own library card, they say, "I just know you have that mothering instinct!" I talk about these things because I love kids, and I dote on the kids in my life. Although I absolutely adore and spoil my nephews, I like being able to go home after visiting them and not have children demanding every moment of my time. I like spending small amounts of time with the neighbor. I teach gymnastics to 3- and 4-year-olds. Between all of that, I have plenty of "kid-time." That's all I need, and sometimes even that is too much.

I know sometimes they just like to tease me. God forbid I have a headache because then they smile slyly and say, "I think someone's pregnant!" A few weeks ago, I became dehydrated after running without taking enough water breaks, and I became slightly nauseous. My co-worker literally bounced up and down in her chair and squealed, "I can't wait to throw you a baby shower!" They may think it's funny and harmless, but to me it's harassment. If I wasn't friends with these women, I would probably file a complaint against them.

I've found that saying, "I don't want kids" doesn't work. They simply smile as if amused, flap their hands at me and say, "oh, you'll change your mind." I have to resort to responses like, "If I am pregnant, I'd better schedule an appointment at the abortion clinic right away!" Or, "wow, I hope I'm not pregnant. I can't think of anything worse happening to me!" The shock of those statements usually shuts their mouths, if only temporarily. But I don't like saying cruel things like that. Why can't everyone just mind their own business and leave my reproductive choices alone?

Well, I get the last laugh. I know for a fact that several of those women struggle with finances because of their children, whether it is paying for college, child care, or just going out to a movie. Money is a huge issue for them because they have children. So often I hear, "we don't go on vacation because we can't afford it." If they do go on vacation, it is always to a kid-centric place, like a water park or Disney World. I know that they spend very little quality time with their husbands and have a hard time pursuing hobbies outside of family life. I hear about the trouble that their kids get into at school, like how one woman's daughter told the school her parents were abusive. Why? She was mad at her mother and wanted to "get back" at her. And then in the next breath they tell me why I should have children.

I know that sometimes people who don't have children are shafted at work. Parents often need to come in late or leave early, causing others to pick up their slack. Luckily, I don't have too much of an issue. Yes, it's annoying that one woman refuses to work a certain shift because she needs to pick her 13-year-old up from school. Or, sometimes I have to sub for another woman because she forgot that her daughter's band concert was this week. However, it's not that big of a deal. I'm not expected to take these shifts because I'm childfree, I take the shifts because I'm available to work. I know not all childfree people in other businesses are so fortunate.

No matter how much my co-workers harass me about having children, it's not going to happen. All I have to do is look at their lives to know that it's not for me. I don't want to be stuck in a part-time receptionist position because I need to work my life around my children's activities. I don't want to put my career on hold to work closer to the babysitter.

Now when they say, "you'll change your mind," I just smile and say, "maybe." But I know that will never happen.

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