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"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives."

--Rita Rudner

No Children

Childfree Humor
and Diversions


[humor]
[childfree humor from the onion]
[diversions]

Childfree Humor

  • Ann Landers: The Childless Couple

  • Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing

  • Books Are Better Than Babies

  • Cathy Comic

  • Cheerfully Childless: The Book

  • Childfree Haiku

  • Etiquette Hell: Rugrats!

  • 112 Reasons to Lead a Barren, Childless Existence That Ends in Your Death

  • A Lexicon of Spawn

  • Misanthropic Bitch.Com: Not Me

  • Misanthropic Bitch.Com: Spread a Little on Me

  • Misanthropic Bitch.Com: Won't Somebody Think of the Children?

  • Nina Paley: Childfree Comics

  • SatireWire: Educators Fight To Protect Self-Esteem Of Goofy, Loser Kids

  • SatireWire: Parents Say Web Sites Teach Profanity

  • Tolkien Online.Com: Pod Birthing Gives New Hope to Childless Orcs

  • 25 Reasons Why Cats Are Better Than Kids


  • Childfree Friendly Humor
    From The Onion

  • Adventures in Babysitting

  • Alcoholic Father Disappointed In Pothead Son

  • Ant Farm Teaches Children About Toil, Death

  • Children of Divorce Twice As Likely to Write Bad Poetry

  • Cool Dad A Terrible Father

  • Death Star to Open Day Care Center

  • FBI to Require Background Checks For Child-Care Providers, Child-Havers Unaffected

  • Greg Behrendt Releases New Book For Children: Your Parents Aren't That Into You

  • I'm Going To Be The Worst Father Ever

  • Is Anyone On This Bus Interested In Disciplining My Son?

  • Live-In Boyfriend Like The Deadbeat Dad Kids Never Had

  • Maybe Baby?

  • Miracle of Childbirth Occurs For 83 Billionth Time

  • Nerd's Parents Afraid Son Will Fall In With Popular Crowd

  • New Parents Desperately Seeking Other New Parents For Socializing

  • New Sony In-Utero TV To Entertain Children In The Womb

  • Parents of 80-Pound Toddler Lapping Up Publicity

  • Spoiled, Doughy Brat Makes Local Parent Feel Spiritually Whole

  • Starving Third World Countries Warned of the Evils of Contraception

  • Study Reveals Babies Are Stupid

  • Study: Uneducated Outbreeding Intelligentsia 2-To-1

  • Taco Bell Launches New Morning After Burrito

  • Teen Exposed to Violence, Profanity, Adult Situations By Family

  • TV Helps Build Valuable Looking Skills

  • We Must Preserve The Earth's Dwindling Resources For My Five Children

  • We're Sick And Tired Of Raising Your Young

  • When I Have Kids I'm Not Going To Drown Them

  • Why Somebody Always Around Every Time I Drop My Baby?

  • Woman Overjoyed By Giant Uterine Parasite

  • You And Me And Baby Minus Me Makes Two


  • Childfree Diversions & Food For Thought

  • A Breeder Not Parent Fairy Tale: The Little Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe
    Grimm's and Hans Christian Anderson's Fairy Tales are filled with stories of bad parents and wounded children (ie. The Little Match-Seller).


  • Childfree Hell: Loews Cineplex Offering Theatre Screens For Parents And Babies

    "She can scream her lungs out," said Charles Sheeler, 42, holding 20-month-old Jennie. "When one kid screams in a movie theatre, everybody hears it. When every kid screams, nobody hears it."


  • RVnet: If You Had to Do It All Over Again, Would You?

  • Slate: Driving Miss Tallulah

    "In the past three years I have tried on occasion to imagine what effects I am having on my child. I do this dutifully rather than naturally because it seems like the sort of thing a father should do. But I never get anywhere with it. The fact, as opposed to the theory, of life with a small child is an amoral system of bribes and blackmails. You do this for me, you get that. You don't do this for me, you don't get that."


  • Pittsburgh Tribune: New Parents Discover How Child-Unfriendly Our World Really Is
    "Either some restaurants do a better job of cleaning beneath tables, or they do not attract as many gum blobs. I'm not sure which. But it got me wondering, wouldn't it be nice if restaurants were actually aware of the blobs and removed them before we arrived? In what other ways is our society family-blind? Such blind spots pull back the curtain, I think, on a society that does not place a high priority on children's well-being, nor does it protect our children. "


  • Sundance Channel Film Short: The Stork
    The old wives tale about where babies come from evolves into a global nightmare of suburban proportions.

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